As I write this, in no way do I think I am more special or just discovered this new lifestyle. I commend every mother who has journeyed through life as a solo/single parent. It is not for the faint of heart. But this is my experience and it has been challenging in almost very way imaginable. As a independent women, even during my marriage, life for me has been a series of start and stops, ups and downs. My life feels as though I was on a sail boat in the vast, middle of the ocean. Sailing with barely any direction, except with a faint idea of which way using an old compass.
I left my marriage in hopes to find myself and grow as an individual. Thankfully I have in so many ways but there still is more to go. Yet with all the joys and challenges of parenting, no one dicusses the simultaneous daunting journey of self-discovery. Parenting whilst still learning yourself is the craziest thing ever. In having kids young, sometimes I still see myself as a young girl who is just babysitting sometimes. Then I have to snap back to reality of this is not a drill, these are your actual children you are responsible for. It is crazy to sometimes still see yourself as young girl while being a mother at the same time. How am I mature enough and able handle motherhood?
There are some adult things that I have not accomplished yet like owning a home. Mostly because I cannot decide where I want to live, but that is a whole other thing. I now have to charge of all aspects of my life, which has been empowering and scary. Now the challenge is to solely make the best decisions for myself, which is new to me. I’m still learning to be patient with myself in my journey.
As mothers, we have to carry the weight of being the best versions of ourselves in order to raise the best people we can. As a solo parent, I put pressure and expectations on myself to be mature and get my life stable for my children. To be as mature and close to self-actualization as I can be.
My success as a mother and women is encumbant upon my growth mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually which will benefit my children in the end.