During my marriage my life was my family. I became so consumed with taking care of my babies, my house, feeding us all and shopping, and cleaning, and trying to be a good wife that obviously, at the end of the day there was no time for me. My feminine, self-care, faculties were so far gone under all things baby and household, that I barely felt like myself. In hindsight, I was not in touch with myself. I later learned the whole time she was there, just down deep inside me, patiently waiting to be heard. To get in touch with myself, I had to rediscover my femininity. Still a work in progress, I discovered that femininity is divine and dynamic.
I broke Femininity into three parts: Spiritual, Physical and Sexual
Physical care instead of “Self-care”
Honestly when we look in the mirror and love what we see, it will build our confidence and
Physical care, as the old saying goes that “you have to look good, in order to feel good”. In my opinion, that is only is partly true. If your hair is styled the way you like, the colors you wear compliment you, your clothes fit well, it will most certainly bring you joy and contribute to our overall wellness. Therefore, shopping and maintaining a wholistic beauty routing of facials, manicures, hair appointments, waxes, teeth whitening is all good. So keep it up or start incorporating some of them into your routine, they do matter.
Although, it’s not everything, because what glitters is not always gold. You can still be mean, resentful and heartbroken inside, therefore that is the reason I believe looking good physically is only a 1/3 of self-care. More on that below. Taking movement classes like yoga, dance, running, working out boosts your enegry, helps your skin and as we know is good for overall health. All these contribute you caring for yourself and getting in touch with your body.
This is a major one for me, takes more space than physical care if we are measuring.
I practiced Islam for 10 years. Before that I always felt connected to a higher power, God, Spirit and my Ancestors. I would see my grandmother and great grandmother a lot and think about them daily.
When I became Muslim I would pray Salat and really feel close to God, through learning Arabic and making Duaa and being in Dhikr circles with other women, was rejuvenating for me. I love all things spiritual. When I left I stopped attending and praying in the way I had for a while. Personally, I was burned out by all the rituals and expectations of practicing Islam. I did not want to try to live up to some standard of being good Muslim.
I was a little burned out and jaded and wanted to follow my heart and let spirit guide to me to were I needed to be. Therefore, when people asked me what I practice now I say nothing.
Once I left my marriage, I started exploring different ways of connecting to God, myself, spirit, and ancestors. Through my experience, I found just because I was part of something religious that did not mean it always truly resonated with my spiritual connection.
What I needed was to mediate. Like a lot. That was my missing link.
Sitting down, quiet and writing down my thoughts, crying, and feeling, just connecting with myself is how you connect spiritually with yourself. You learn your power, build your relationship God, you find guidance and strength when you listen to yourself. That is the spiritual care I am referring to not, going to church, a mosque, a temple.
If you think about it, all prophets and spiritual leaders always retreat and meditate. That is how they build fortitude and resilience and care and peace. They are listening to themselves and what’s around them. There is a lot of noise around and inside of us. Discern your perspective from others to build your own values. That’s self love and self care at its higher. When you feel good inside, you are so much beautiful on the outside.
This may not be one you expected but it is big one. Sensual means: relating to or involving gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
I haven’t fully explored all parts of myself yet, or outwardly expressed them the way I would want. In my opinion, there is a certain level of confidence and security one has to embody, and I am not there yet. So whether you want to explore your body yourself or with others, you can.
Loving on yourself can help curve the need to rely on a partner while you explore your own body. After leaving my marriage, I would say I wasn’t necessarily ready or willing to sleep with someone right away. But if there was someone I liked I would.
So sex can help you tap into your sexuality, as long as your are intentional and are in control of it.
You have to discern what you are wanting and not settle for anything other than that. Sexual care is also your way to connect with your body sensually. To help connect with your body further, movement will empower your guardanship over it. I love dance classes, yoga, working out in the gym. Your intention for your body and care for it, would naturally help you be conscious of how you let in your space.
I hope my theories, ideas, and tips on embracing your femininity divinity helped open your mind and gave some insight.
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