Do not let fear and doubt stop you.
I wanted to share the reasons I started this blog. Reflecting on my life during this pandemic, I realized I probably suffered from depression since I was young, I would say since I was four. My first memory as a kid was the day my dad left our family home. That was the day my world shifted and my depression and anxiety most likely began. I became codependent and alone because I was really close to my dad, and now he was gone. Thankfully my father remained present and a constant in my life, but I missed him around everyday and I know it hurt him as well.
As a child of young parents, my parents were also growing up and were doing the best they could and knew how.
They were not able to afford me the stable childhood living in one home and neighborhood my whole life. Therefore, I always felt like I lacked something that other people around me had. Their own room, backyard, both parents in the home together, friendship, etc.
The feeling of lack and discontent was seeded in me early.
All this self-hate as child built up that I am not good enough and all my value came from outward. As a child I was not poured into and given attention from my family to tell me I’m great and capable and encouraged to be who I wanted. I always felt like just being me was not good enough to be accepted. I had to dress a certain way, talk a certain way. I was always ridiculed which made me feel very insecure and low key hate myself for not fitting in and being better.
Unfortunetly, this self-hatred has carried on into my 30’s. Coming to terms as an adult that inside the scared women, was a scared little girl and afraid to step out to be great. Therefore this blog was created as a safe space to process my experience to face and outgrow my insecurities, self-loathing, and self-hate to gain confidence and self-love.